I will park in the handicapped spot and tell people to piss off.

I will play bingo on Tuesday nights, and curse when I do not win the state jackpot.

I will play Texas Hold 'Em on Thursday nights and make everyone wait while I decide how much to bet.

I will have big hair.

I will wear spandex pants and dance badly.

I will talk loudly about my trouble with arthritis.

I will buy tickets for the meat raffle and buy steak from the person who wins, because I never win anything.

I will brag about my nieces and nephew.

I will play pull-tabs and snarl when I only win $1.

I will go on Sunday nights to hear the live band and people-watch.

I will sit at the bar and drink my White Russians while telling stories about my "Army days".

I will laugh with my sisters when one of us trips on our walker.

I will reminisce about how time has flown

I will enjoy the company of good friends.

American Legion Post 39 is where I will go when I am old.