I'm sure most of you have run into situations when you simply cannot remember the name of an item that you are in search of. It happens often to me (remember the "meat beater" in my Rouladen story?!). I just thought I'd write down what happened during the latest annoying episode.

Me: (standing in the living room holding a stick of incense) Hey sis?

Sis: (popping her head out of the bedroom) Yeah?

Me: Where's that thing?

Sis: What thing?

Me: You know. That fire thing?

Sis: What?

Me: (frustrated because I can't find the words I need) That thing, goddammit!

Sis: Yeah, so, I have no idea what the hell you're talking about.

Me: The thing that shoots fire out of it! You hold it in your hand? And click this thing? And fire comes out!

Sis: Your ways frighten me.

Me: Yeah? How about I frighten your face with my fist?!

Sis: How about I kick your ass down the stairs?

As I was talking to my sister, I heard the sound of flapping wings behind me.

Sis: Tommy! Tommy no!

I turned around just in time to see my sister's African Gray parrot fly around the corner toward the kitchen.

Sis: Christ, Tommy!

Me: Fuck me. You need to get that boys' pin feathers clipped

Sis: (rounding the corner to the kitchen) He's in the sink!!

Me: It could be worse. He could've landed in the garbage disposal. AAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

Sis: Stop it! (lifting Tommy out of the sink) Oh my poor Tommy! Give mama a kiss!

Tommy: Ow. Owch! Oh my god!

Me: Put that damn bird back and help me find that thing!! I need it right now! (I showed her the incense)

Sis: Jesus Christ on a fencepost, you need a fucking lighter, you doorknob!

Us: AAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!