Dear "X",

Inasmuch as you had difficulty fully expressing yourself in the letter you wrote to my father, I am having an equally difficult time responding. I will, however, do my best. Please understand - I am not responding on his behalf, I am responding on my own and I would appreciate your discretion.

You express anger at my mother and my father (for lost time). By doing so, you express anger at "Y" and yourself. Hopefully, you understand that, and thus understand you are in no position to judge my parents.

First, how dare you attempt to chastise my father ("It's not just women's work.") for not communicating. If you know anything about my father, you would know that he is a non-communicative man. That is not is forte. It never was and never will be no matter how you try to hold his feet to the proverbial fire.

Second, you mention alcoholism. If you understand anything about it, then you should understand how it affects family dynamics. It would stand to reason, then, that you  would be familiar with the words "enable" and "denial". Within that understanding, it should dawn on you how communication between my parents and you fell by the wayside.

Third, why would a mother (mine) allow contact with a woman so in deep in denial that she was blind to her husband's (yours) inappropriate contact with a minor??

Fourth and last, in a marriage, or any partnership, each individual plays a role - or many roles, as the case may be. The roles my parents played within their relationship was, in part, dictated by the societal norms of their generation. My father took care of the bills and the discipline; my mother the household and social aspects, which included "keeping in touch" as you put it. They rarely, if ever, crossed into the others territory. That's the way it was and it worked for them. Who are you to criticize that?

I grew up in a household with one parent an alcoholic and the other an enabler. I grew up in a household steeped in emotional and physical abuse. I understand anger more than you can possibly fathom. I also understand forgiveness.

You know, until alcoholism became the thing that defined my parent's lives, they were good friends to you. But you are too angry at yourself and your life to realize it. So...if the only prayers you have to offer are coated with self-righteous religiosity and sprinkled with false piety, don't bother. We don't need them.